To all of you reading - I wish you a happy Valentines day..Or if you are "single" a Happy Single Awareness Day.
It will go unnoticed here- Just as our anniversary did a few days ago. Not that I didnt make a little bit of effort to tell Bob Happy Anniversary..
When he got up I said, "Happy Anniversary Bob".. and he said... "No-- thats okay"... I'm not sure what he thought I said.. But that was my attempt.. :) and my failure.. sometimes it's better to just ignore the occasions that pop up.. for my own sake..
Saturday, February 14, 2015
Monday, February 9, 2015
Assessment
Sorry for the lengthy silence. I have been struggling with decisions that need to be made and my own personal demons about them.
Bobs decline and current behaviors are ever changing but the last few weeks it has been almost shocking to see the changes. Not being able to communicate anything but the jumbled word salad (as I call it) has made things even more difficult.
He had his home health assessment this past week and I am waiting for the finalized report to give to prospective Residential Care Homes. Bob did not do well on the testing and of course he really hasnt done well on it in a very long time.
After evaluating Bob and testing him they said there were several options available at this time but they highly recommended the Residential Care. Assisted living was decided against because he eats things he shouldnt and also of his toileting problem. They thought it would not be in his best interest to be unsupervised for any length of time. Home care was also an option but the Social Service worker thought the house was much to small for this to be a convenient option. Their theory was that Bob would still be trying to rely on me for help and refuse others if he could see me. Which I know is probably true.
That leaves the residential care home or Nursing Home.. The thought is to start with the least restrictive care of the Residential and then the nursing home if they have a problem with his combative nature.
All of these decisions have left me with a knot in my stomach and a very heavy heart.
Bobs decline and current behaviors are ever changing but the last few weeks it has been almost shocking to see the changes. Not being able to communicate anything but the jumbled word salad (as I call it) has made things even more difficult.
He had his home health assessment this past week and I am waiting for the finalized report to give to prospective Residential Care Homes. Bob did not do well on the testing and of course he really hasnt done well on it in a very long time.
After evaluating Bob and testing him they said there were several options available at this time but they highly recommended the Residential Care. Assisted living was decided against because he eats things he shouldnt and also of his toileting problem. They thought it would not be in his best interest to be unsupervised for any length of time. Home care was also an option but the Social Service worker thought the house was much to small for this to be a convenient option. Their theory was that Bob would still be trying to rely on me for help and refuse others if he could see me. Which I know is probably true.
That leaves the residential care home or Nursing Home.. The thought is to start with the least restrictive care of the Residential and then the nursing home if they have a problem with his combative nature.
All of these decisions have left me with a knot in my stomach and a very heavy heart.
Sunday, February 1, 2015
I cant imagine
Just when I think I cannot possibly be any more tired.. I am.
I am tired of struggling and watching Bob struggle. He is fighting hard to maintain his sense of self but quite often has been forgetting his own name. I am trying to say his name every single time I talk to him in an effort to help him remember. Its not working.....I cant imagine how terrifying that must be in his head.
I am tired of struggling and watching Bob struggle. He is fighting hard to maintain his sense of self but quite often has been forgetting his own name. I am trying to say his name every single time I talk to him in an effort to help him remember. Its not working.....I cant imagine how terrifying that must be in his head.
Friday, January 30, 2015
Walkin'
Oh what a week we have had. Bob is really struggling to stay mobile. He is often off balance and has fallen several times.We will be going to the Dr to be sure that there isnt something else wrong. I'd hate to assume it is just the progression of this nasty disease and find out it was something else that could be "fixed".
He "freezes" in doorways and wont budge or move his feet. You can take him to the bathroom but even now when you are telling him what the toilet is and what he needs to do.. he will try to use the sink, Tub or wastebasket instead.
Even though he is struggling to walk he wants to get outside. We have given up our walks around the block, for 2 walks a day from the back deck to the end of the yard. Me under one arm and a cane in his other hand we seem to be able to get those done. It may be time to consider a walker. I can see that not going over very well as I am not sure he will now what he should be doing with it at this point. It never hurts to try--right?
He "freezes" in doorways and wont budge or move his feet. You can take him to the bathroom but even now when you are telling him what the toilet is and what he needs to do.. he will try to use the sink, Tub or wastebasket instead.
Even though he is struggling to walk he wants to get outside. We have given up our walks around the block, for 2 walks a day from the back deck to the end of the yard. Me under one arm and a cane in his other hand we seem to be able to get those done. It may be time to consider a walker. I can see that not going over very well as I am not sure he will now what he should be doing with it at this point. It never hurts to try--right?
Sunday, January 25, 2015
Anger
I have talked several times about Bobs anger.. but never my own.
I try my best to keep mine in check until I am alone. Boy, is it ever difficult not to succumb to anger. I have to imagine that Dementia is, in some ways, more difficult to deal with for caregivers than other illnesses can be, mostly because the person you're caring for, in many cases has no notion of who you are, your relationship, or what you're doing for them. They don't realize how hurtful they can be, or even acknowledge that you are being overwhelmed with sadness, grief, exhaustion etc.
That being said, the anger is almost always overcome by feelings of guilt and then again the love you feel for the person in your care.
I think the anger is merely an unpleasant by-product of the un-ending stress and caring you perform out of love.
That also being said-- I am so angry tonight I think my head will explode.. GGGGRRRRR...
Lets hope for a reasonably sane day in the near future. I hate this disease.
I try my best to keep mine in check until I am alone. Boy, is it ever difficult not to succumb to anger. I have to imagine that Dementia is, in some ways, more difficult to deal with for caregivers than other illnesses can be, mostly because the person you're caring for, in many cases has no notion of who you are, your relationship, or what you're doing for them. They don't realize how hurtful they can be, or even acknowledge that you are being overwhelmed with sadness, grief, exhaustion etc.
That being said, the anger is almost always overcome by feelings of guilt and then again the love you feel for the person in your care.
I think the anger is merely an unpleasant by-product of the un-ending stress and caring you perform out of love.
That also being said-- I am so angry tonight I think my head will explode.. GGGGRRRRR...
Lets hope for a reasonably sane day in the near future. I hate this disease.
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Visitor
Today one of Bob's old hunting buddies Chad stopped by for a visit. Someone that he spent a lot of time with over the last 15 years or so. Hunting, target practice, fishing, sports etc...
Although Bob was curious, he really had no idea who Chad was. Bless Chad's heart for the visit. He is one of the few of Bobs friends that has stopped by occasionally since his diagnosis. Chad talked to him about general everyday things without trying to pressure Bob to remember him. I could tell he was disappointed that he didn't.
Bob couldn't really talk and the few things he did mange to blurt out made no sense and I could tell that Chad was shocked to see the huge decline since his last visit. I felt bad for him.
He visited for about 30 minutes, got caught up on news of his kids, wife, work etc.. Chad said his goodbyes with a promise to visit again soon.
After about 5 minutes Bob blurted out. " Did he fix it?"
I said " What? Fix what?" He said the " The rock"
Not knowing what to say I said " Not this time, maybe when he comes back"
Bob simply stared out the window with a little nod.
Although Bob was curious, he really had no idea who Chad was. Bless Chad's heart for the visit. He is one of the few of Bobs friends that has stopped by occasionally since his diagnosis. Chad talked to him about general everyday things without trying to pressure Bob to remember him. I could tell he was disappointed that he didn't.
Bob couldn't really talk and the few things he did mange to blurt out made no sense and I could tell that Chad was shocked to see the huge decline since his last visit. I felt bad for him.
He visited for about 30 minutes, got caught up on news of his kids, wife, work etc.. Chad said his goodbyes with a promise to visit again soon.
After about 5 minutes Bob blurted out. " Did he fix it?"
I said " What? Fix what?" He said the " The rock"
Not knowing what to say I said " Not this time, maybe when he comes back"
Bob simply stared out the window with a little nod.
Monday, January 19, 2015
Well this is New
Bob's new quirk --is eating items that he finds. A kleenex, toilet paper, a button, a napkin, lint, a marble..if it fits in his mouth he will try to eat it. You have to watch him like a hawk. And NO-- he is not hungry..
He eats food fairly well still. So far he is maintaining a reasonable appetite. Apparently we are adding more fiber.. :)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to "man " proof your house..?
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