Wednesday, October 29, 2014

The Gatekeeper

I think I have it figured out. Maybe.
 Bobs anger and aggression towards me has escalated to the point where I am going to have have them put him on calming meds, tranquilizers...or something. Everything..and I mean EVERYTHING, makes him angry.
He is no doubt feeling very out of control and it must be very frustrating for him.
 But as his caretaker & protector, I have to stop him from doing the things that he wants that may harm him or someone else, and also make him do things he doesn't, such as taking his meds, taking a shower, changing clothes etc. Somewhere in his mind I have become his enemy. I am the gatekeeper.
 When he is striking out  or spitting or being vulgar its not him..its the disease. I know that, but it is crushing me and it still hurts emotionally no matter how much I rationalize. His delusions have him paranoid. In my case it is also a little scary because he is starting to act out with such aggression and his body is still as healthy as ever.
I'm Still trying to keep that smile plastered on my face- a bounce in my step, a pep in my attitude....but its getting unbelievably hard.

No comments:

Post a Comment