Sundowning

Bob is struggling more then ever with "Sundowning". His agitation and confusion are so bad from about 4:00 Pm until he goes to bed that I am struggling to care for him. The hallucinations although not as frequent, seem to be very intense. He wants something- but does not know what. He stands in the middle of the living room looking lost and confused.  He often does not think he  is home and becomes very upset if I dont take him to find his house. For a few weeks I could take him for a walk around the neighborhood but that does not work anymore.. Now I have to Put him in the jeep.. drive around for about 20 minutes ..then pull up to the house and say--"well here we are-- home at last.."
Sometimes it works.. Sometimes we have to do this 4 or 5 times a night...
I am feeling a bit tired and rundown.  Thank goodness gas is cheaper..

Lack of Christmas Spirit

Day 7 of Bob feeling poorly and day 3 for me. I seem to have caught what ever virus Bob had, which considering what I have had to clean up the last week seemed inevitable. In case I havent mentioned it.. I am a tad OCD or a germaphobe about cleaning  and handwashing. And Yes-- I still "caught it".  
 Ugh.. Its really hard to take care of a Dementia Patient when all you want to do is curl up in a ball and hope you are alive in the morning.  Not feeling the Christmas spirit at all this year.. might be from lack of oxygen... Thats my theory anyway..... The evenings are the worst.. When I most want to just sit and rest, Bob is agitated and wandering.. Sundowning is worse then ever.

More Changes

Different times of the day can make such a difference with a Dementia Patient. Bob  now struggles horribly for the first hour after he wakes.  Then he kind of levels out for 4 or 5 hours and then in the afternoon he begins to rapidly decline again. So much that he almost seems like a different person.  I hate that his body is starting to have difficulties. Last night when it was time to go to bed he couldnt walk. . He couldnt even do his "shuffle" that happens when he is tired. We had to carry him to bed.  I was very worried that when he woke in the middle of the night he may try to get up and fall, so I barely slept so I could listen for him. This morning although he was slow he was up and walking like normal. I have also noticed the myclonic jerks are becoming more and more frequent, which probably bother me more then Bob. He rarely seems to notice them. He often doesnt make a lot of sense when he talks anymore but if you are really patient and listen you can figure out what he wants to say. .So many changes in such a  short amount of time. I hate this disease.

Time

“Dost thou love life?  Then do not squander time,  
for that’s the stuff life is made of.”
―Benjamin Franklin

Time is something that seems to fly and drag at the same time. How is that possible you ask? Day after day as we deal with this monster called Dementia I waffle back and forth. Some days seem to drag on and on and on. Other days I realize how limited my time with Bob really is and I want time to stand still. In my heart I know I have no control over this, but as I sit on the deck with Bob in the sunlight of the mornings I look at him and see " MY BOB". The man that took my breath away when we first met. In the late afternoon hours when "Sundowning" begins I sit and search for glimpses of "Old Bob" in "New Bob's" face. I realize in those moments that time is not on our side and I need to make the best of each moment. How can just a span of a few hours make such a huge difference in a Dementia patients mind? I will never understand.