Patience

When Bob was first diagnosed with Dementia I had no idea what we were going to face.  The personality changes from compassionate, reasonable, and able to compromise , kind of man..... to an angry, irrational, rigid & mean stranger. My inner turmoil as I struggled to figure it all out, often left me a blubbering mess. 

 As each of Bobs declines and plateau's occur I often find myself feeling that same inner turmoil from the early days of this disease. Even thou I have read every book and studied every line of medical website and pamphlet provided to me about what to expect... I am still often unprepared for a new symptom and behavior. They hit me hard. As each new decline happens there has to be an "adjustment" in our lives.

 There is no doubt that Bob went through another significant decline. His memory is getting even worse . His ability to make simple decisions, understand TV shows, explain how he feels both physically and emotionally, and use even the most simple, basic logic have all taken a noticeable plunge. He is also VERY aware of it, which is making him defensive and even more illogical as he tries to convince me, and probably himself, that it is NOT really happening.

And Me-- ? Well And I am not handling it very well.

Instead of using logic and reasoning that I have learned from previously mentioned books and websites etc.. I am reacting emotionally to his declines and attitudes. And I know better-- that's the sad part-- I KNOW better and still cant stop myself. 

 I must remember that it is not his fault. It is my job to help him understand what is going on in his head  and help him to handle it. And to do this with patience and kindness.  I understand the wisdom of that. I do. I REALLY do.

  I'll get it under control.  I will find my  patience.....

 I know I left it around here somewhere.