The last week has been one of the worst of my life.
Bob is now in a Residential Care home. As he is dropping into the end stage of this horrible disease I found I could no longer do this alone. His needs are first and foremost and I am sure that the care he is receiving now is better then what I could ever do alone. He is completely incontinent now, Needs someone to dress him, shower & groom. He also needs help walking and often cant walk even with help. He no longer communicates or when he does mumble something you usually cant understand what he is trying to say.
The only bright thing in having to make this terrible decision is that Bob no longer is aware of his surroundings or recognizes us the majority of the time. He often does not even recognize his own reflection.
Driving away the day he was moved was the hardest thing I have ever done. I cried for hours and I have done that after every single visit. It is so hard to see someone you love so much, decline like he is. It is heartbreaking and I feel this tremendous sense of guilt.
I am trying to keep busy but find my mind is often with Bob. Wondering how he is. Is he warm, is he eating, Is he sleeping etc.
When I visit he is clean, shaved and nicely groomed. The ladies at the home are taking very good care of him for which I am extremely grateful.
I miss him. I cant sleep. I am sad. I can't concentrate and I feel lost.
Pretty sure I have a case of Bob withdrawals.......